Prompt #56: Your voice is soft like summer rain

[100xoverfest]

Prompt: #56
Title: Your voice is soft like summer rain
Genre: Romance, Slice of life
Rating: PG-13
Side Pairings: -
Warning/s: major genderfluid character, incidents of bi-/panphobia, transphobia and misgendering
Season: Summer
Summary: Junie live their life quiet, peaceful and non-daring, away from judging eyes when Yifan stumbles in.
A/N (Author's Note): Thank you prompter for this lovely prompt and giving me the opportunity to play around freely and thank you to the Mods for being so patient with me. I know I will have ended up not using the correct pronouns for Suho at some point, for which I apologize.

It is a warm September afternoon when Yifan Wu all but drops right on his nose in front of Junie.

 

They have just been out with Byul on their big afternoon walk around Parc Montsouris, enjoying the mild sun rays warming their face when the dull sound of a body hitting the gravel road accompanied by a low “oomph” tear their eyes open.

 

Junie has never had someone falling to their feet, so this is definitely a first.

 

“Are you okay?” Junie ask concerned as the stranger puts his feet under his body and stands up. His height surprises Junie as they have to crank their neck up to stare at an incredibly handsome face.

 

“Yes, sorry. I didn’t mean to stumble.” The tall man wipes his hands on the fabric of his trousers, gravel rolling down very long legs and barely missing Byul. Junie frown.

 

“Hello, I’m Yifan Wu.” The stranger introduces himself and there are blotches of red on his face. Junie can tell he is embarrassed, but who would not be if they just face-planted in public. Yifan also stares at them with a strange look that makes Junie squirm.

 

“Well, I’ll be going.” Junie mumble and call for Byul to continue.

 

“No, wait. I actually came over because I wanted to speak to you.” Yifan admits and Junie stop dead in their tracks. What could a stranger like him possibly want from them.

 

“Pardon me?”

 

“I can explain”, Yifan rushes and Junie cannot help think how awkward that stranger is “I’m a photographer and I’ve taken a walk around the park looking for people to participate in a portrait study for an exhibition. I spotted you and just thought, wow, he is so handsome and would be a great addition. I just need to ask him. When I came over I tripped over my own feet in excitement, sorry again.”

 

Junie draw a sharp breath at the words, immediately pulling up their distant facade.

 

“I’m not interested. Have a good day.” Junie coldly reply, tug at Byul’s leash and rush past the man. Yifan calls after them, but they march on, desperately trying to hide the pain the single word “he” instilled in them.

Junie have stored the uncomfortable episode away under the many unintentional misgendering incidents they face on a daily basis when their job leads to surprisingly meeting Yifan again.

 

“I’m not a morning person.” Junie moan at a coworker as they sit in conference room three for the monthly journalist meeting on current trends and topics. Someone is talking at the front and if Junie were awake enough they would certainly pay attention.

 

“That’s a lie, Junmyeon.” Jongdae, said coworker, retorts while Junie threaten to fall face forward into their tea.

 

Being the only other writer with Korean immigrant family Jongdae had latched onto them immediately upon the first meeting Junie ever attended and has not let go of them ever since. Jongdae is a true people person, knows everyone and their mother and drags Junie along wherever he goes. Although spending time with Jongdae can be exhausting Junie understand that their easy arrangement works much in their favor, otherwise they would not get out of their home office other than to walk Byul and buy groceries.

 

“I just don’t know why I need to listen to someone who specializes in research on Front National members when Politics is not what I write about.” Junie groan this time, taking a sip from their cup to avoid falling asleep.

 

“Right, all you care about is fashion.”

 

“Now, you know that isn’t true. I helped out the Politics department with the South Korean president scandal for weeks. They would have asked you, too, if your Korean wasn’t so poor.” Junie point out, scribbling on their notepad as another means of distraction from sleepiness.

 

“Touché. When I speak Korean I sound like a fourteen year-old weeaboo. It’s just awkward. Speaking of which, there’s someone staring at you and it’s not exactly subtle.”

 

Junie give Jongdae a pointed look, expecting it to be another of his jokes, but they scan the other employees in the conference room just in case. They know immediately who Jongdae meant when they spot Yifan near the windows. Their gazes lock for a moment before Yifan quickly averts his eyes, fumbling awkwardly with the camera in his lap.

 

“Oh, did you embarrass the big bad boy with his big black camera?” Jongdae snorts on their side and Junie laugh too, shaking their head.

 

Junie half expect it when Yifan approaches them after the meeting.

 

“Hello, it’s me. Again.” Yifan starts and Junie almost want to take pity on him because he looks out of place and that is a feeling they definitely know inside out.

 

“Hello Yifan.” Junie have the mind to politely greet. Yifan’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Are you going to ask me again to participate in your portrait study?”

 

“I… I feel like I didn’t properly explain myself last time. Perhaps we can talk and I can elaborate what the study is about and why I think you’d really fit greatly there. Maybe you’ll think about it?” Yifan tacks on hopefully.

 

Junie shake their head. They hardly believe there is place for someone like them in a study that probably differentiates clearly between men and women. Participating would mean that Junie have to explain about their genders and examples of others how that ends up scarred them plenty enough not to trust strangers with it.

 

“I’m sorry, but I’m still not interested.”

 

Yifan looks crestfallen when Junie walk away again to join Jongdae by the door. Hopefully Jongdae does not want to eat lunch for more than three hours so they can return to their flat and take Byul on a well-deserved afternoon walk.

 

“I feel like a just witnessed the greatest rejection happening to humankind. He looks positively destroyed. What did you talk about?” Jongdae wonders, curious as ever. Junie cannot make out for their life why their coworkers in the music department love gossip so much.

 

“He wants me to join some project, but I already told him no the first time.” Junie simply state.

 

“So there was a first time?”

 

“Jongdae, please.”

Giving up seems however not to be part of Yifan’s vocabulary. Somehow he acquired their mail address, because that is where Junie receives a message in mid October. Yifan all but begs to meet and talk, promising he will not bring up the portrait study again. Against better judgment Junie agrees, reluctantly, to lunch.

 

“I realized that I never asked your name.” are the very first words coming out of Yifan’s mouth and he is still so awkward that Junie find it endearing.

 

“My parents named me Junmyeon, but I prefer Jun or Junie.” Junie tell him truthfully.

 

“Junie.”

 

Yifan rolls the name over his tongue, testing the way it sounds passing his lips and Junie find they really like the sound.

 

Junie also learn that Yifan came back from a job in London the day before and is a little jet-lagged. He insists on eating with them anyway and Junie see the ghost of stubbornness they faced twice by now.

 

Truth to be told it is Junie’s very first date and they spent a lot hours before it contemplating all of their fears and worries about dating. How do they explain to their potential date why they look physically male but deep down they wish they showed up decked in makeup and a skirt. Junie know the fashion industry shows a certain brand of tolerance for all things different, but it is not to be expected to find a partner capable of handling a genderfluid lover.

 

That is what Junie are: genderfluid.

 

The online research on how other genderfluid individuals experience dating has discouraged Junie from giving it a shot thus far. They cannot put a finger on why they allowed Yifan to persuade them to lunch.

 

The conversation ceases over the course of the meal, on Junie’s part being distracted by how good-looking their opposite is and part squirming in their seat wishing they wear a cute dress or at least a bra. They wonder if by the end they will separate for good and it will be the last they hear of Yifan.

 

True to his persistence Yifan promises to contact Junie when he is free again. There are a few jobs lining up that keep him busy and Junie, albeit hopeful and a little embarrassed about that, do not expect him to actually come back to them. Until he does.

 

The second date at the beginning of November goes so, so much smoother than the first.

 

Junie feel comfortable in their own skin, feel like they aren’t pretending to be someone in front of Yifan and Yifan himself has slept well and is in a good mood. Everything that seemed to go wrong the first time is going splendid. They click about their love for fashion, discuss their music taste and movies they last saw. Yifan tells about his work as photographer who often works for different bigger newspapers and magazines and in return Junie let Yifan in on the life of a mostly teleworking fashion journalist.

 

“Thank you for dinner.” Junie tell Yifan after the left they restaurant and stroll towards the Métro station. Yifan had insisted on paying and after a short moment of reluctance Junie had allowed him.

 

“Thank you for agreeing to see me again. I had a wonderful night, Junie.” Yifan replies and the smile on his handsome face makes Junie’s heart beat stupidly strong in their chest. It is difficult not to get caught up in the emotions almost swallowing them when Junie are around Yifan.

 

“Me too.” Junie admit, deciding to listen to that voice inside their head telling them not to overthink and overanalyze the situation but go with it.

 

“Yeah? Then can I ask something?” Yifan inquires hopefully.

 

“Depends on what you’re asking.”

 

“Would you spend the remaining hours of this day with me, just until Midnight? Only if it’s not inconvenient to you of course. I know you have your dog waiting for you at home.”

 

“Byul can handle being alone, no worries. How do you feel about driving further into the city center and walking along the Seine? When I visit my grandparents in Seoul we usually walk alongside the Hangang. That's a big river flowing right through Seoul.” Junie explain diligently, excited to share a little about their Korean background.

 

Yifan gives them a toothy smile exposing his gums. It is hard not to trace the lines of his face in a moment like that, the sharp bow of his jaw, his high cheekbones and cheeks that seem constantly tinted pink in Junie's presence and the wide mouth with thin lips.

 

It makes Junie briefly wonder if Yifan participates in his own portrait study. Since that is a sensitive topic they do not intend to bring to the table Junie keep the thought to themselves.

 

“I've been to Seoul before. The Hangang is a great scenery for photoshoots or landscape photography in general. It is a central place of gathering for all people of the city and it's truly fascinating to experience different types of crowd populating the riverbank throughout the day.”

 

“Korean people are interesting.” Junie claim with pride on their heritage.

 

“Oh yes, they are.”

 

Yifan winks at Junie when he says the words and it is greasy, but in a way Junie find themselves not minding at all.

 

Although Junie have a childhood clouded preference for Hangang over Seine they enjoy the atmosphere at night. There is bustling under the rays of light left and right of the river, noise from cars and people filling the air around the riverbank, but when Junie turn their head towards the water there is a calming silence and a sentiment of home.

 

Yifan keeps checking his watch, making Junie wonder if he is in a hurry. It makes no sense, after all he asked them to spend time, but Junie are used to many things not making sense.

 

“What are you checking that watch for?”

 

Yifan startles, shooting them a sheepish look before he stops in his tracks.

 

“I'm keeping track of the time. It's two minutes to Midnight.”

 

“So?” Junie wonder and stop with them, turning to look at Yifan.

 

He is a little fidgety, so Junie stay in their spot with Yifan, face to face while Yifan keeps checking his watch.

 

Seconds tickle down to the beginning of a new day. Junie suppress a laugh when Yifan closes his eyes and counts down from ten.

 

“Midnight.” Junie hums. A loud sound chimes in the distance, probably the bells of Notre Dame and when Yifan opens his eyes again he catches Junie completely off-guard.

 

Open tenderness peers at them through honest eyes. Junie swallow, overwhelmed and insecure how to handle the situation while Yifan gives them that look that settles deep in their bones.

 

“You're staring.” Junie clear their throat in an attempt to break the mood.

 

“I know. It's just, I wanted your face to be the first thing I see in the very first minutes of my 27th birthday.” Yifan admits and Junie all but panic on spot.

 

“It's your birthday? I didn't know!”

 

“You're fine, how would you know.” Yifan soothes, but Junie cannot be calmed.

 

“I would have brought a gift or treated you to dinner, not the other way around.”

 

“That's sweet, but I already have my gift. You're here with me right now. ” Yifan states firmly, gaze not wavering for even a second.

 

As the words sink in Junie belatedly realize the affection they carry. It would take a fool not to realize and Junie are no fool.

 

Yifan is very way on his way to be in love with them.

 

“Then happy birthday, Yifan. I'll still give you a gift.” Junie insist with a growing smile, giddiness overtaking their system. Yifan likes them. It has been long since someone had liked them and it has been since never that it was so openly displayed to them.

 

Perhaps they are putting themselves up for pain, but Junie decide to give it a chance. Give Yifan a chance.

 

“Actually, I think I'll give you one right now.”

 

Junie brace themselves, closing what little is left of distance between their bodies and leans up to place a quick, chaste kiss to Yifan's lips.

 

Yifan's face is stuck between disbelief and joy when Junie pulls back. They don't stop the chuckle escaping their lips. It is nice knowing they affect someone so much.

 

“I-” Yifan scrambles to say, blinking rapidly and swallowing before he licks his lips and tries anew. “Does that mean I can see you more often now?”

They see each other for lunch or dinner weekly after that. Yifan shifts his schedules as much as possible to make it happen, the number of his jobs increasing as December rolls around. Junie laugh at the stories about disastrous Christmas-themed photoshoots with golden retriever puppies, tacky decoration and other horrendous happenings.

 

They eat themselves through a fair share of cafes and restaurants, inspiring Junie to articles about the perfect outfit for a variety of occasions from first dates, over first snow in the city to Christmas Eve with the family.

 

Yifan offers opinions on the outfits Junie pick, still unaware that Junie sort through the arrays of tailored sweaters, winter skirts, long dresses and heeled fluffy boots with the eyes of someone wishing to wear the clothing themselves.

 

Yifan's camera follows them around everywhere and while Junie get used quickly to Yifan's habit of stopping anywhere, anytime to snap a picture it is still strange to them when Yifan focuses his camera on them.

 

Junie are happy and yet they avoid allowing Yifan close enough to speak of relationships and other serious things. By the end of the day they keep the strongest shield around themselves intact, bracing themselves for the unavoidable.

 

In the back of Junie's mind a time bomb is ticking, a countdown with unknown finish. Everything seems just too good to be true and Junie know the temporary happiness threatens to pass right through their fingers.

 

Perhaps it is the carelessness of spring that causes Junie to slip up badly in the first week of April. Their intended extensive walk through Parc Montsouris in full blossom on a sunny day turns into a run-and-hide as the sky darkens and pours gallons of water down to earth until Junie, Yifan and Byul are positively drained to their bones.

 

Junie's flat is closer by and since they would feel bad if they let Yifan go home wet, risking a full-blown flu, Junie suggest to scratch the walk and be comfortable on their couch instead.

 

“Do you have another blanket, Junie? I doubt my long legs fit under a single one shared with Byul and you.” Yifan wonders from the door frame of the kitchen in Junie's small flat.

 

Junie stand at the kitchen counter, heating up water for a pot of tea to warm their stiff, wet bodies and cast a glance at him. Yifan looks ridiculously comfortable in their biggest warm sweater and jogging pants that stop several centimeters above his ankles. It is a view Junie can get used to.

 

“Bedroom, on top of the wardrobe.” Junie direct Yifan, humming gently as if heavy raindrops were not hitting the kitchen window. Yifan pecks their temple and shuffles down the hallway. Only when the bedroom door falls close with a loud click resonating in the quiet flat do Junie realize that the countdown has come to an end.

 

A strong grip on the kitchen counter keeps Junie stand straight. When they are sure their legs won't give out under them Junie stagger to the bedroom.

 

Personally Junie love their bedroom. The bed fits two people and Byul, a big wardrobe, a drawer and a vanity. There is always a healthy amount of mess, piles of clothes decorating the floor and Junie find it the most comfortable this way.

 

However their bedroom is also a dead giveaway of things Junie never let anyone in on. Across the surface of the vanity cosmetics are spread, two wigs are on display. The drawer is torn open, inconveniently showing a collection of frilly bras and Junie curse themselves for not closing any of their furniture.

 

Yifan stands, jaw dropped and big fluffy blanket under his arm, in front of Junie's wardrobe. It is where most feminine or female orientated clothing is stored and Junie can almost see the confusion radiating off Yifan in waves.

 

“I can explain:” They croak, causing Yifan to turn around like a whiplash.

 

“Living room?” Yifan suggests curtly, not waiting for Junie to answer and marches out of the room again.

 

“Don't cry.” Junie tell themselves as they follow quietly, trying to find the words to actually explain, but their mind is blank.

 

Yifan sits down on the couch, looking lost and awkward. Junie relate heavily. They do not dare sitting down next to Yifan, scared of how they will feel if Yifan puts distance between them. Instead they remain standing near the door, not knowing how to look Yifan in the eye.

 

“I don't know how to start.” Junie admit as the tense silence stretches on.

 

“Then, can I ask instead?” Yifan requests, voice insecure and shaking. Junie wonder what Yifan must think. Perhaps he believes Junie also meet a woman next to Yifan or he thinks Junie are some weird pervert collection female clothing. Junie are doing neither, but how can they make Yifan understand.

 

“Do you, perhaps, cross-dress in your free time?”

 

He sounds searching, but also rather void of emotion. It scares Junie.

 

“Yes and no.” Junie reply truthfully.

 

“Okay? I don't really understand?” Yifan furrows his eyebrows. It makes him look angry and Junie take a step further away from him.

 

“Look, it don't think it's bad, but I feel like you didn't plan to tell me about any of this and I want to understand why. Have I said something wrong about liking female clothing, or...?” Yifan trails off, crestfallen look on his face.

 

“No! No, you didn't say or do something wrong.” Junie are quick to shake their head. “This isn't easily to tell people. Most don't understand.”

 

“Try me.” Yifan offers as the lines on his face soften, hands reaching out and Junie gravitate towards the couch, allowing Yifan to entwine their hands.

 

“This is my first time saying it out loud to anybody.” Junie begin. Yifan squeezes their fingers shortly, egging them on. Junie breathe out and finally let go.

 

“I am genderfluid. I am male and female, sometimes one more than the other and most days both at the same time. Sometimes I wear a bra under my sweater when I go outside and I put my dresses on when I stay in for work. I sometimes change outfit in the middle of the day, taking off all my makeup or putting some on. This is all very complicated and hard for people to understand, so I'm keeping this entirely to myself... ”

 

Junie do not know when their eyes closed during the confession, but they force them open again to peer at Yifan's reaction.

 

There is surprise there, relief and the ever present awkwardness, but no confusion and no hint of disgust. It makes Junie ridiculously hopeful.

 

“Oh. I see. Then, uhm, how do you want me to call you? Pronouns, I mean.”

 

“You know about that?” Junie wonder. Yifan gives them a pointed look.

 

“My job has me working with all different kinds of humans and I'm certainly not ignorant of things such as transphobia. So?”

 

“They and them.” Junie informs him, an impossibly heavy weight slowly lifting off their chest.

 

“Anything else I can do to be a good, supportive boyfriend?” Yifan asks decided.

 

“Boyfriend?” Junie repeat, testing if they heard right and hoping Yifan affirms the statement.

 

“I was under the impression that that's what I am. Your boyfriend. Unless you're uncomfortable with that label of course, then-”

 

“Boyfriend is good. I like that.” Junie interrupt with a bright grin before climbing onto the couch and lying themselves across Yifan's chest. They feel lips pressing to the crown of their head.

 

“I'm serious though. I want to understand this. How this is influencing your daily life, how it feels like being genderfluid. What I can do to make you comfortable around me. I don't want you to think you have to hide from me or that you can't tell me when you're not having a good day. I said to try me and I mean it.”

 

Junie prop their chin up on Yifan's chest. He has a double chin from this angle and if the moment was a time for joking Junie would definitely laugh.

 

“Are you sure? I never dare going outside in female clothing, because I know people will stare and judge and don't want to submit myself to that. How would you feel about me turning up to lunch in a dress and makeup? People will judge you for meeting someone strange like me.”

 

“I've seen stranger things. People are always judging, but they also care a lot less than you might think they do. I'm not going to let others stop me from seeing you just because they have a problem with the way you dress. If you wear a dress to dinner then that's what you do. I'll still want to eat with you and spend some time. And if you are too uncomfortable going out, then we can just order food and binge-watch something on Netflix. It is whatever.”

 

“Can we actually do that today? I'm not in the mood to go outside again, but I feel like pizza.”

 

“Sure.” Yifan reaches for his phone on Junie's living room table, long arms coming much in favor in the situation. His upper body lifts up a little, bringing Junie with him as he shifts. A curious look crosses his face and Junie blush.

 

“I put on a bra when I changed earlier.”

 

“Yeah, I feel that.” Yifan laughs and looks pointedly to where their chests are pressed together. “And I don't mind. You be comfortable while I pull up a good place to order from.”

 

“Sure. Cuddles?”

 

“Absolutely.”

The following weeks Junie learn a lot about Yifan, majorly that he cannot be stopped once he focuses in on something.

 

He lets Junie put makeup on him, because he is curious and ends up liking it. He sits patiently when Junie browse through shopping sites and gives his input when Junie ask for it. The first time Junie wear a dress in his presence he calls them pretty and the look in his eyes makes Junie believe he actually means it.

 

Any trace of doubt whether he truly accepts Junie is erased when Junie not so accidentally listen in on a phone call between Yifan and his mother. They spend more time at each other's place, Yifan usually checking with Junie on the day whether he should come to them or if Junie come over with Byul. It is one of those days when they are cooking at Yifan's place when the caller ID Mama lights up on Yifan's phone display.

 

“Sorry, I need to pick that one up.” Yifan apologizes as he hurries out of the kitchen.

 

Junie continue stirring the sauce while Yifan talks in the hallway. Curiosity kills the cat, but Junie cannot stop themselves from inching to the door and listening in just a little.

 

“Yeah, Junie is here, we're making dinner. My new lover, yes. Mom, when have I ever bothered with the gender of my partners? If Junie is both, they are both. Of course that's new for me, I fuck up sometimes, too. I misgendered Junie on accident towards a colleague yesterday. You know me better Mom, of course I feel guilty about that. It doesn't matter that Junie didn't hear it, it's still disrespectful. Mom, I think I should go back, I don't want to keep Junie waiting. I'll call you tomorrow evening, okay? Love you too, bye.”

 

Junie quickly saunter back to the stove and school their face to neutral. Yifan steps back into the kitchen with a smile and Byul trailing behind him.

 

“My Mom says hi.”

 

“Say hi back.”

 

“Will do. She wants to meet you, actually.”

 

“Your Mom lives in Paris?” Junie wonder as Yifan hugs their shoulders from behind.

 

“No, in Canada. She plans to visit me in August though, I'd really love to introduce you to her then. Is that okay with you?”

 

“Sure. My parents still live in my hometown Marseille. I don't see them very often. Not really in the mood for criticism over my career choice and other suggestions what to do with my life.” Junie shrug and lean back against Yifan.

 

“Can I come along next time you see them?” Yifan breathes next to their right ear.

 

“Are you sure you want that? They don't know about me being genderfluid and I can't promise they won't be intrusive about your private life.”

 

“Well, they're still your parents and I think they might want to know who their child is seeing. It's only normal if they ask me questions.”

 

“Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.”

As promised Junie take Yifan to visit their parents in Marseille in June. The weather is beautiful, sunshine hot and bright and Junie happily breathe in the scent of sea as they step outside of the airport and make their way to the car deck to fetch their rented car.

 

Paris is their home of choice, but the Seine cannot replace the Mediterranean Sea. The coast had been Junie's place of withdrawal before they finished school and moved to Paris for their studies, finally living the life they wanted to without having to answer to their parents.

 

Upon Junie's request Yifan booked them a hotel in the north of the city instead of asking Junie's parents to stay over. They plan to spend a week at the Côte d'Azur, day trips to Nice and Monaco included and the compulsory parental visit.

 

“You need a haircut.” Junie's mother greets them as she opens the front door of the house Junie grew up in.

 

“Hello mother.” Junie say as they hug their mother quickly and walk inside.

 

“I like it.” Yifan tells Junie's mother before introducing himself properly.

 

Lately Junie grow their hair out. Yifan encouraged them to do it so now it goes down to Junie's chin if they wear it open. Junie learned to style it into a nice bob, finally able to plaid their own hair a little. For the visit at their parents they parted and geled it back, but of course Junie's mother immediately caught up.

 

Junie still believe taking Yifan with them is a bad idea, but Yifan insisted and his words had held truth: eventually Junie's parents will want to meet him.

 

Junie's father sits in his usual chair in the living room, examining his child from head to toe and then moving to Yifan who steps next to Junie.

 

“I wasn't expecting a man to be the first person you bring home.”

 

“Father, we've had that topic. I like men and nothing in the past years since I've told you has changed that. Yifan is nice, you'll see.”

 

“Well, at least he has a proper hair cut.” Junie's mother comments from behind them. “Junmyeon, come help me with setting up the table.”

 

“Yes mother.” Junie comply and shoot Yifan an apologetic look for leaving him behind with their father. It does not get better over the course of the night.

 

“What do you do for a living, Yifan?” Junie's father prods during dinner.

 

“I am a photographer.” Yifan tells with pride over his profession. Junie know that Yifan takes his job very seriously and can become really defensive if someone calls it “just taking pictures”.

 

“Is that even a proper and stable job?” Junie's mother wonders with a disbelieving tone to her voice. Junie sigh and throw her a threatening look.

 

“Absolutely. I graduated with a degree in photo journalism and documentary photography. It pays well, I can travel around the globe and afford a comfortable lifestyle. I'm currently employed by the same magazine as Junie, but I also have two exhibitions under my belt.”

 

“That sounds like you're properly in business. How come you're seeing our son then? There must be many pretty women out there very interested in a successful man like you.” Junie's father interrogates and Junie wince. This is exactly what they warned Yifan about.

 

“Your child”, Yifan states calmly but with emphasis “is kind, funny, interesting and beautiful. I've been fascinated by Junie right from the start and I'm not selective about gender when it comes to who I date.”

 

“If you aren't selective doesn't that mean you're not necessarily having stable relationships. The next distraction might be just around the corner.” Junie's father further accuses and Junie reach out to lay a hand on Yifan's arm. Their boyfriend looks close to exploding.

 

“With all due respect, Sir, but loyalty has nothing to do with sexuality. I date monogamously and I'm happy being with Junie. I don't look at or for somebody else.” Yifan coldly replies, arm sliding away from under Junie's hand.

The drive back to the hotel is eerie quiet. Junie struggle with the words wanting to burst out from between their lips, holding them back only because Yifan looks angry.

 

“I’m sorry.” Junie settle for eventually, breaking the silence spread to every centimeter of the rented vehicle.

 

“There is nothing for you to be sorry about.” Yifan says immediately, tense and as if he has expected them to say those exact words. Junie curl into themselves at the tone.

 

“I mean it. I knew they would be like this and didn’t warn you properly.”

 

“I also mean it, Junie. I didn’t understand before that you didn’t explain them about yourself, but I think I do now. It’s already hard for them to grasp you feel attraction differently from what they know. Until they get that I doubt they will understand that you’re two genders.”

 

“Thank you for saying that.” Junie mumble, eyes cast down to where their hands are squeezed together in their lap. “You still sound angry to me.”

 

“In part, but not at you, so don’t worry, love.” Yifan admits as he takes a turn left and drives further towards the mountains. The words catch Junie’s attention.

 

“Tell me what bothers you?”

 

A long, deep sigh is the only answer they get and it is silent again in the car. This time Junie don’t prod further and resolve upon waiting for Yifan to continue.

 

“I love you, you know that? The past months knowing you have been the most eye-opening, awe-inspiring and affectionate and I am grateful for everything that I’ve learned, explored and experienced.”

 

“I hear a but there.” Junie swallow, unsure if they are prepared for what Yifan will say next. They can sense this is one of Yifan’s awkward, long and extremely emotional monologues, a force Junie learned early on is impossible to stop.

 

“Did you know I have a whole file of pictures of you on my work computer? I keep collecting moments during which you’re particularly beautiful or just sweetly ordinary, when you’re a woman or a man or in between or neither, when you have body dysphoria and just lie around because you cannot seem to make yourself function or when you’re absolutely within yourself and confident in who you are.”

 

“To me you are the greatest piece of art, one that I cannot stop documenting, Junie. I adore you and all your many sides and quirks. I want to shout that to the world. I have enough pictures of you to fill an entirely gallery. In fact there is a whole concept for an exhibition titled My Lover in Full Bloom and I was so excited to tell you about it and perhaps get you on board with the idea. I know you turned me down twice, but I figured asking again after this time has passed was worth a try. It’s just that I realized today that I was getting ahead of myself and that I didn’t consider your feelings properly.”

 

Every word from Yifan’s mouth makes Junie’s heart thump louder, stronger and heavier in their chest, resounding in their whole body. It is not the first time Yifan tells them how much he caes about them, but it sounds as new and compelling as if Junie had not heard the words before.

 

“Since we met you have progressively shown more of your genderfluidity to the outside world and I’m honored and proud to be part of that as it happens. I forgot that this is a struggle for you every day, that this all does not come easy to you. You are constantly judged, disregarded and disrespected. An exhibition about you would expose you to people you don’t wish to be exposed to.”

 

Yifan takes another turn and then they are in the hotel’s courtyard. Junie look as Yifan parks the car, turning off the machine and staring ahead. Junie sense he cannot look at them.

 

“I’m suddenly afraid that you think that I am exploiting you. That you think I am dating you only for personal gain, to push my career and that my love for you is a poorly disguised fascination by an artist for an object of art that they suck dry like a parasite feeds from their host. I think I rather scrape the entire concept and never put one of those pictures on a wall for people to see than hurt you. I’d compress my art for your well-being without regret.”

 

Junie try controlling their breath, slowing taking in everything Yifan had said and they know tears are running down their face. They are happy tears, born from the feeling of being understood, loved and accepted.

 

“Are you done?” Junie ask when Yifan does not continue.

 

Yifan finally looks at them. The insecurity in his eyes tugs at Junie’s heart just as much as the panic on his features as he reaches out to wipe Junie’s tears with his thumbs. Junie decide to take pity on him.

 

“There were many things I was unsure about when I met you and we both know it was difficult for me to agree dating you. You’ve proven my fears and objections wrong or unfounded though. I still think sometimes that I’m too complicated to date, but you stick around me anyway. You make me feel special in a good way and your words just now…”

 

Junie still cannot breathe, but they force the words out anyway.

 

“I feel your sincerity. I know your art is everything to you and to know you place me on a higher pedestal than it is probably the most genuine way of telling me you love me that I can think of. I don’t think I’m ready to be topic of a public exhibition, but I’m fine with you having a picture or two on your wall just as long as I get to choose them with you.”

 

Junie lean over and place a chaste, long kiss on Yifan’s lips. There really is no more to be said.

Grasse and Antibes are their destinations of the next day, a two hours drive further up the coast towards Nice. Junie squeal in delight when Yifan allows them to make their own perfume in Grasse, patiently waiting for Junie to test until the perfume smells right.

 

Antibes has one of Europe’s biggest marina. Yifan and Junie spend a little time wandering alongside the port, jokingly choosing their favorite yacht despite knowing they cannot afford any of them.

 

Yifan snaps a couple of pictures of the shadows Junie’s navy sailor dress casts on their soft thighs, of the way the cute red bow in the curve of the neckline accentuates Junie’s collarbones and of the peaking pastel pink bikini bra strap before Junie notice and tug them under the dress’ blouse with an indignant huff.

 

“Can you stop that?”

 

“Not really, no.” Yifan laughs “Not when we're outside on a sunny day and you're wearing a dress instead of hiding away with it in your flat. There's no way I don't want to snap a picture of it.”

 

Junie decide to let gestures speak and kiss him. Yifan wordlessly tugs a loose strand of hair back behind their ear and grins.

 

“Too hot. I think I need to cool down. Can we go swimming?”

 

“You don't know what heat is, you weakling.” Junie tease and reach for Yifan's hand, leading him towards the beach. They find a nice spot to lie their bath towels and bags down and then Yifan unceremoniously pulls his tee off.

 

“What?” He asks when Junie stare at him, pushing his pants down to his ankles until he stands in front of Junie in nothing but swimming trunks.

 

Junie look around to check if people are observing them and then zip the dress open at the left side. They pull the fabric over their head quickly and take a deep breath, trying not to shiver at the exhilarating rush of freedom they feel. Yifan persuaded them in the morning to wear the pastel pink bikini Junie ordered online specifically for their vacation and here they are, probably looking ridiculous to everyone but feeling very right in their own skin.

 

“Let's go in.” Yifan rushes them and Junie take his outstretched hand, allowing their boyfriend to pull them toward the water.

Who knows where else Yifan will lead them? Junie do not know, but they believe they can trust him it will be a good place.